Episode 52 - Poor Musical Taste

Intro
Jason: Hello! And welcome Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe. My name is Jason, and I'll be playing everyone's favorite heretic elf, Theran. Tonight, you'll witness much chicanery, tomfoolery, and if you're lucky, maybe even some ballyhoo. But now, I wanna introduce the Prime Minister of Sinister, the Foreman of Fornicating Skyward, the Numero Uno of rolling numero uno, and the 67th most hated podcast GM in podcast history, our friendly neighborhood GM, Matthew. How are you tonight Matthew? Matt: Pretty good, but it seems like every day my standing just goes down and down. Jason: The numbers are in, the people have spoken. Ben: It went up last time. It just fluctuates a lot. Rebecca: You're a great guy. Natalia: You are a fairy. Mitch: Don't tell him that, he might want to get his record up. We need to keep it going down, for our sakes. Jason: Ben, playing Rell. What's popping G? Ben: Uh, hi. Jason: Rebecca, playing our friendly, and I'm sure even more fun-loving Martle. Bore us with bunny facts Rebecca! Rebecca: They're not boring, they're great. The netherland dwarf is the smallest domestic rabbit breed, and their max weight is 3.5 pounds. Natalia: Awwwwwww! Jason: Boston, kinda playing Juniper. What say you? Boston: Kinda sorta? That's not fair. But hello! Jason: Natalia, playing Z. What ho, Natalia. Natalia: Sup, y'all, I'm taking screenshot of Roll20 before Matt erases it all. Jason: Lastly, Mitch playing Z-rial. Was geht. Mitch: I don't think I'm the last one, I feel like you skipped people. Jason: Nope, got everybody. You're the last one. Mitch: I know I'm always last but that's okay. I just wasn't paying attention, that's all. Matt: You know what - Jason: Take it away, Matt! Matt: Well, you know what they say, saving the best for last, so I guess ours is mediocre at best. Jason: Ohhhhhhhhhh. Matt: Anyway, so, hey guys! It's the beginning of season 2! Rebecca and Ben: Eyyyyyyy! Natalia: Woooo! Matt: So yeah - Mitch: My feelings are hurt. I'm not gonna cheer for you right now. Matt: Love you Mitch. If I would I'd give you a kiss, but you have to settle for Natalia. Rebecca: That's not settling, Nat's great. Mitch: I wouldn't say settling, more like an upgrade, but okay. Matt: I know.

Episode Description
The crew is back together and have a new ship... The galaxy is doomed...

Summary
Everyone's back and relaxing except Martle, Z, and Lelia. Ardrial arrived two days ago, and Theran has been settling her in. Zarial has been sword training. Jörmungandr arrives, alarming the station. Demia summons Rell, Theran, and Zarial as spare hands, and contacts the Jörmungandr. Once Martle and Z say hi, she calms down. Lelia is still upset about her ship, and threatens to hide Z's booze. Jörmungandr objects to Z's music, but allows it at Martle's request. Martle calls him Jormie, which he also objects to, but agrees when Martle presents him with her full name. Jörmungandr prefers Gregorian chants, and plays that as they enter the station. Lelia heads straight for one of Z's stashes in her powered wheelchair, and takes a bottle of booze. Everyone catches up, and Demia offers to pay the crew, with their new ship, 10-15 thousand credits per mission to help them out. That's the standard rate for a merchant run or a small adventure, so Martle asks for more. Demia argues they're underfunded because of the war, and it's a mutual interest. Rell asks if the ship is self-cleaning, with a relieved glance at Z when Martle says yes. Z sees the bottle of booze Lelia stole is empty: Lelia poured it out. Another alarm blares as Juniper's ship comes into range.

We then go to the past, when Juniper is flying through Parliament space. She had gotten an alert saying the hyperdrive lanes were congested, and suggesting that she cut hyperdrive for a bit to avoid them. She did so, and is flying by the Parliament asteroid when she gets an alert that 3-4 Parliament patrol ships have locked weapons. This is unusual, as there was no warning. The ships fire on her, with only static in the com channels, and she tries to go into hyperdrive to escape. Since she recently came out of hyperdrive, she has to wait 30 more seconds, so she takes a second look at the patrol ships. They appear to be in disrepair, and leather-like skin is covering some holes. Hyperdrive kicks in, and she arrives at the Terminal and hears Demia's "Who the fuck are you?"

The rest of the crew recognize Juniper's voice. Z takes advantage of the hubbub to get to another bottle she stashed in the maproom, and discovers it's gone. Juniper greets the crew and briefs them on what happened, seeming slightly manic. She hands Lelia the information on the Catalyst, and Lelia says it'll take her all night to decode. She treats the crew to drinks (though Z is only allowed one) while she works on it. Z looks for more booze, but all her stashes are empty. Rell tells Juniper the Torog exploded, destroying all of her pillows. Martle introduces her to Zarial, and everyone catches up. Theran tries to tell Z about AA, but Zarial hands her drinks behind his back.

Early morning arrives, and Lelia wakes Theran and tells him to summon everyone. As he pings everyone, Lelia starts chugging a bottle of wine. He starts telling her about Spalcoholics Anonymous, and she says they have bigger problems. Juniper is fast asleep, nested in pillows. Z gets Juniper and wakes her up with the smell of the hangover cure she learned from the gnome she met in the Hunting Lodge. Z forces it down her throat, and she feels better. They go to Lelia and Theran's, Z stealing a pillow on the way out. Lelia is on her third bottle of wine, so Martle sobers her up with Lay on Hands. Lelia says the zombies they've been dealing with are copies. The Progenitors created a program called the Scourge, where they would take volunteers and implant them with a cybernetic skeleton that turned them into super soldiers. Unfortunately, the soldiers went insane to the point that their bodies broke down, turning into cybernetic zombies. Then Lilith took over what was left. The dead ones Juniper found earlier were ones Lilith hadn't gotten to yet. Lelia says the Catalyst is in the black hole in the center of the galaxy. Martle asks Jörmungandr if he can fly into a black hole, and he says it's child's play. Lelia says there's a space station there. Martle and Lelia argue about Lelia coming along, and Martle wins. Lelia makes her promise to keep Theran safe, and reminds her not to break her oath to Master Ryu. Lelia offers to show everyone her recording of the match. Theran tells everyone of Edmund's death, and says Ardrial is on the station. Martle asks if she's hurt and if she needs anything. Theran says she's safe, but asks Lelia to take care of her. They rest for a day and Theran introduces Ardrial to the station.

The crew meets Jörmungandr, and Martle sits in the captain's chair with her leg over the armrest. She directs Jörmungandr to the center of the black hole, and introduces him to the crew. Zarial high fives the wall, and Jörmungandr objects to him dirtying it. Zarial licks the wall, and Jörmungandr aims auto-turrets at him. Zarial steps back, the turrets retract, and then he licks the wall again, which shocks him. Jörmungandr gives Juniper, as a progenitor, permission to look at his computer. He requests a crew of 2000 souls, but Martle doesn't want that many people relying on her. When Rell asks if he means people, Jörmungandr confirms, saying he's not an evil dragon. Theran asks how they'll survive the black hole, and Jörmungandr says he'll take care of it, as the Serpent of the Rim, presumably the galaxy's rim. Theran announces he's going to the med bay, as the ship's surgeon, and Martle tells Jörmungandr not to let him in. Theran brings up Z's leg as qualifications, and Jörmungandr says it's shoddy workmanship, which makes Z have a panic attack. Jörmungandr flies into the black hole. It feels like they're being stretched for a moment, and then something switches on and they're fine. Everything goes black, then white, and the episode ends with a station coming into view.

New Information

 * Martle's full name is Martle Chalcedony Requite Meliiamne, and she has the same last name as Theran.
 * Lelia used a translation software built by Rick to help decode the information.

Memorable Quotes
Rell: Dear Captain, Are you still alive? From Rell

Matt: You see, like, LOL emojis coming up onto your screen, and then it says "Childplay".

Martle: I'm gonna try to keep everyone safe, but sorry the rest of you, Theran is one that I've known the longest, so I might accidentally try to rescue him first.

Boston: Space Pimp Daddy.

Theran: How do we plan on surviving the stopping of what we know to be time and the movement of atoms and being crushed to an infinitesimal point for an eternity? Jörmungandr: Leave that to me, tiny one. Theran: Fair.

Trivia

 * This is the first episode feature all six crew members.
 * Zarial got 18 points of lightning damage from the wall.
 * Jason changed the usual ending, "Remember everyone, in space, no one can hear you scream" to "Remember everyone, in a black hole, no one can hear a damn thing."