Episode 54 - Murky Waters

Intro
Jason: Hello and welcome Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe. My name is Jason and apparently, I'm salty. I will also be playing everyone's favorite heretic elf, Theran. Tonight, you'll witness much chicanery, tomfoolery, ballyhoo, monkeyshines and perhaps if you're lucky, some skullduggery, but now I want to introduce the Prime Minister of Sinister, the Foreman of Fornicating Skyward, the Numero Uno of rolling numero uno, our friendly neighborhood GM, Matthew. How are you tonight, Matthew? Matt: Pretty good. I just put in the salt bacon for you, so that should... Jason (in some weird voice): Salt. He's salty. Rebecca (in an accent): You're a salty man. Jason: Ben playing Rell. What's poppin G? Bunny? Biscuit? Ben: Ohhhhhhhhh, what? Jason: That's all I got. Rebecca, who's playing the friendly and fun-loving Martle, who loves Theran more than air itself. Bore us with bunny facts Rebecca! Rebecca: So, rabbits produce two types of droppings: fecal pellets and cecotropes. And cecotropes are packed with nutrients, and rabbits will actually reingest those. Jason: They eat their own shit. Moving on! Boston, half-ass playing Juniper who had two glasses of wine last night. What say you? Boston: Theran's my least favorite character tonight. Jason: Fair. Natalia playing Z. What up, sister? Natalia: The ceiling for now, brother. Jason: Oh my god, are we five. Lastly, Mitch playing Z-rial. Was geht. Mitch: I feel oddly normal tonight. Rebecca: What's that supposed to mean? Jason: I don't know what that's supposed to mean. Take it away, Matt! Matt: I just rolled 5d100, Nat, take that much damage. Jason: For real. Natalia: What? Seriously? Jason: Shitty rolls, anyway, only 142. Natalia: Okay, everybody stop listening to the podcast, Z's dead, there's no point anymore. Rebecca: Oh excuse you, I'm still here. Matt: I said you, not Z. Natalia: Did somebody hear something? Jason: The podcast just got better. Natalia: We see. I see I see I see.

Episode Description
The Crew are searching the ancient space station of Juniper's and Martle's ancestors and soon discover an ancient danger.

Summary
The episode begins with the crew looking at progenitors in cryotubes in varying states of mummification, some having cracked glass, others power failures. The one live progenitor is suspended in gel, which obscures them somewhat. Martle casts Divine Sense, but doesn't sense any undead. They discuss what happened last time Juniper released a progenitor, and decide to look for the Catalyst and then come back.

Theran leads the way to a room with a computer and a large lockbox. As they go, the walls become less ornately decorated and more practical and high-tech. Juniper reads the screen and says the lockbox has an experimental weapon inside. She hacks the box open to reveal a longbow made of metal and plastic, with a small computer attached. Theran pulls the string slightly, and feels an electric thrum. The computer says something about quantum entanglement, and shows three charges. Theran goes to test it out in the hall. After his arrow hits the wall, another arrow appears from over his shoulder and embeds itself next to his first arrow. The counter is now at 2, and the computer says the arrow came from 27 minutes in the future.

Theran unlocks the next door to reveal strange robots with various fleshy tiefling bits, and tendrils that seem to be seeking something. Juniper saw something similar in her travels, though with less armor. When Martle steps into the room, she sees the creatures as Thryssia in various states of clothing, and she is charmed. They start to surround Martle as she approaches a computer. Theran asks what she's doing, and when she says the creatures are tieflings, Zarial casts Fog Cloud and tries to pull Martle out. He is able to resist the charm effect, but isn't strong enough to pull out Martle. Theran and Juniper attack the creatures from range and the creatures attack Zarial and Martle, strangling Zarial. When they attack Martle, she snaps out of her charmed state. Rell and Z rush in to help - Rell resists the charm effect, but Z sees four forms of Captain Iming Aldarina. The battle continues, Zarial eventually breaking free of the stranglehold, three of the creatures being killed, and Rell sustaining a concussion. Z finally snaps out of the charm effect, and the crew brings down the last creature.

Memorable Quotes
Matt: I'm assuming you're not very sciencey in this kind of stuff. Rebecca: Martle is not and neither is Rebecca, but I'm like 90% sure that it's cycling out the pee.

Theran: Juniper, before this opens, what do you guess that it's a magical longbow. *laughter* Theran: I'm serious. Juniper: Why were we guessing if it's a magical longbow? Theran: Cause that would be the coolest damn thing ever. Martle: Just because you prefer archaic weapons... Theran: They're not archaic. Matt: *disgruntled noise* Martle: Uh, they're a little archaic. Matt: I'm mad because he's right. Jason: Yessssss!

Trivia

 * Because Matt rolled 5d100 damage for Natalia when she made a pun in the intro, Natalia insisted he roll the same for Rebecca when they made a bi pun later.
 * Theran has a +13 to Sleight of Hand.
 * Jason correctly guessed that the experimental weapon was a magical longbow.
 * Juniper cast Shatter on the robotic creatures, which have disadvantage on their saving throws because they're inorganic. Matt rolled a nat 20 and a 19 for the first, a 19 and a dirty 20 for the second, and a 21 and an 18 for the third.
 * The crew decided to call the creatures Robieflings. Matt had a different name for them already, but we don't know what it is.