Episode 58 - Busted Knees

Intro
Jason: Hello, and wes- Hello, and welcome Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe. My name is Jason, and I'll be playing everyone's favorite heretic elf, Theran. Tonight, you will witness a conflagrant portable garbage receptacle, afloat in space, headed to destinations heretofore -. But now, I want to introduce the Decomposer of Douchebaggery, the Foreman of Fornicating Skyward, the Numero Uno of rolling numero uno, our friendly neighborhood GM Matthew. Matt: Heyyy. Jason: Do you think, Matt, do you think men like yourself pee in the shower? Matt: Yeah. Jason: Good answer. Ben! Playing Rell. Have you ever had a cold sore, Ben? Ben: No? Jason: Rebecca! Who isn't a bitch, but plays one called Martle on CE. Rebecca: Yeah. Jason: Did you get a kiss at the car, Rebecca? Rebecca: I did yeah. Jason: That's my girl. Natalia: Awwww. Matt: You can hear the blush on her face now. Natalia: Yeah. Jason: You can hear the blush on her. Boston! Playing Juniper. Do you have a tattoo that your undergarments cover, Boston? Boston: Error 404: Item not found. Jason: Natalia! Playing Z. Do women pee in the shower like men Natalia, and lie about it? Natalia: Uhhh, yes they do and no they don't lie about it, I mean some might but I don't. Jason: I love you more now than I did before. Lastly, Mitch playing Z-rial! Do you vape, and if so, can I take your man card? Mitch: Uh, I don't vape, no. Jason: That's my boy. Back to you, Matt! Matt: I'm pretty sure I saw Mitch vape once on stream. Natalia: It's not technically vaping. Mitch: It's not a vape. Jason: Uh oh. Mitch: It twas a... Natalia: CBD pen. Jason: Man card in Jeopardy. Mitch: ... a wax pen. Matt: Ah okay. Jason: A wax pen. Are those like wax lips? Mitch: No, it's a like a... Jason: Wax moustaches? Mitch: It's a... Matt: They're for dabbing. Mitch: Yeah, like a THC pen basically. Natalia: Eh, [inaudible] Jason: I saw a nine year old dab once. It was while he was whipping a nae nae. I don't think you mean that kind of dabbing, do you. Mitch: No. Jason: Okay. Back to you, Matt! Matt: Okay then. I guess it's gonna be one of those episodes alright, it's gonna be a shitshow, but - Rebecca: Are you surprised? Matt: No? Jason: Do we have other types of episodes? Rebecca: We don't! Matt: I think the entire series has been a shitshow, but for some reason people like it, so we'll keep it up. Rebecca: It's a fun shitshow. Natalia: We love it.

Episode Description
The Crew finally make it to the asteroid of Parliament and are immediately accosted by zombies of various strains. Battle Royale anyone?

Summary
Picking up slightly before the end of last episode, the crew is faced with a horde of zombies that all seem to be waiting for something. They discuss what to do, and Z attempts to sneak in, but sets off a metal detector. As the zombie horde turns aggressive, she fires Death's Cradle and throws a hand axe from the catwalk, then jumps down into the horde of 20 zombies to retrieve it. They discover that one zombie has a kind of natural armor provided by its fat. Juniper takes out eight zombies with an ice storm. A shedder gets in a lucky hit on Rell, breaking his femur and weakening him. Z trips and falls next to him. Rell stands up, supporting himself on his staff, then accidentally hits himself, but manages to punch out a zombie as well. Z's remaining flesh arm gets broken as a zombie slams into it. A large zombie starts throwing zombies at the party, hitting Martle. Martle tosses Rell a healing syringe, which mends his leg. A zombie takes a bite out of Juniper, healing itself. The crew eventually defeat the zombies, and the episode ends as they hear an elevator go "Ding!"

Memorable Quotes
Theran (whispering): We should just go. Martle: I mean yeah, that would be the smart thing, but are we smart? Theran (whispering): I don't like when you say "we" and "smart" in the same sentence.

Jason: This whole region loves Fireball. See it there? This, this good. That's good for a Fireball. Matt: For those who can't see this, Jason's having a really fun time with the arrow tool. Jason: I'm circling all the spaces that aren't us.

Jason: You find a small divot in the ground, causing you to lose your footing and fall until you're laying next to the broken-legged-ass Rell. Both of you lay there pathetically for a moment, looking at each other breathlessly and saying, "What have we done? My god."

Natalia: I'm down to 63. Ben: What, down to 63?! That's more than my maximum!

Ben: Well, I was gonna go help Martle who's fighting two guys, but then Z decided she was gonna go fight two guys and they're bigger.

Trivia

 * Despite accidentally retconning a bit, Z still managed to set off the zombie horde via metal detector in both episodes.
 * The full intro went on for over four minutes.