Episode 18 - Are You My Daddy?

Intro
Matt: Hello and welcome to Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe, my name is Matthew, I'll be your DM for the night, and playing with me tonight is Ben, playing as Rell... Ben: Hello. Matt: Jason as Theran... Jason: What up, yo. Matt: Rebecca as Martle... Rebecca: All the western stars are shooting stars. Matt: Boston as Juniper... Boston (singing): I just did a bad thing! Matt: And Natalia as Z. Natalia (singing): I did a bad thing, and you wanna know what it is! Matt: *sigh* What is wrong with you two. Natalia: I don't remember - Boston: You messed it up Nat! Natalia: - don't remember the rest. Boston: It's "I did a bad thing, I regret the things I did." Natalia: Oh right, I regret the things I did, my bad I fucked that up. Can we do that again? Matt: No. Boston: Can we start over? Matt: No. Natalia: Dammit. Boston: Well, now we really did a bad thing. Matt: So how's everybody doing today? Boston: Um, it's hot. Jason: It is hotter than Hades here. Boston: I think I died and went to hell. That might be why. Matt: Well it is Indiana.

Episode Description
The Crew are trying to enjoy some R&R but with several mishaps interrupting their fun, what sort of hijinks will we get to see?

Summary
The episode opens with Z at the bar where Martle and Eric are having their date. After her third gillywater, Z has a good buzz going and is ranting to the bartender about her dad. As she spins on her barstool, she catches sight of a gnome that looks like her mother. She knocks back another gillywater, drops her glass, and accidentally takes out part of the bar as she runs after her mother.

Martle notices the commotion at the bar but says it isn't her problem. Eric guilts her into caring, and sends the bill to Parliament. Then the two go gnome hunting.

Z, hammered, follows her mother to a clothing shop, where she's trying on clothes. Now that the shock has worn off a bit, Z becomes suspicious of this person and tries to enter the shop stealthily. Unfortunately, it's locked, and in trying to open the glass door she shatters it instead. Somehow not noticing this, she also shatters the glass window. The woman greets her by name, and Z freaks out and hides. The woman finds her, and says she's too old to play hide and seek. She calls Z by her full name just like Z's mother would when Z was in trouble. Z comes out and says, "Aren't you dead?" Her mother says that's not important right now, and that Z needs to find her father, who will help her in so many ways. She says there's something else important she needs to know about him, but is interrupted by a dwarven police officer. Z grabs her mom's hand to run with her, but it feels cold and plasticky. Z now sees that she's been talking to a mannequin. She goes to throw the hand at the man, but accidentally pulls the mannequin over onto both of them. She uses this distraction to run back to the apartment.

Martle and Eric find a department store with a shattered window and a dwarf crawling out from under a child-sized mannequin. Eric greets him as Officer Dextro and asks what happened. He points out the direction Z went, towards a junk reclamation plant.

Z, sobering up, realizes she's not heading towards the apartment. She hears what sounds like a creature yelling in pain. She goes through a locked fence to see a 7 foot tall male figure fighting a 30 foot tall monster on top of a rock formation. Z goes to help, and the man picks her up and drives off the monster. He has a sword that has a curved shovel-like implement. He looks down at Z, but she can't see his face. He asks how she got to such a dangerous planet, and instead of seeing the Parliament asteroid, she sees rock formations and thunderstorms everywhere, with lightning strikes making craters as she watches. Z clings to the man in fear, and he feels solid. He says they're on Agora, the planet the ring directed her to. She looks around in confusion again, and now she sees her Parliament surroundings, and that she was clinging to an excavator. Panicking, Z starts shooting up the excavator with Death's Cradle.

Martle finds Z like this, casts Shield of Faith on herself, and climbs up to Z. Z screams for her to prove that she's real, then drops the gun and sobs. Martle asks what happened, and pushes away Z's antlers when she brandishes them at Martle. She can't understand Z's sobbed explanation, so simply pulls her onto her lap to comfort her. Z soon vomits onto Martle's lap, which makes Eric almost vomit in response. He offers to call a car for the three of them, but Martle tells him to leave before he throws up too. He says he'll call her later, and Martle carries Z facedown under her arm back to the apartment.

New Information

 * Gillywater is an extremely strong drink.
 * Z's mother had long curly brown hair, green eyes, generally wore dresses, and kept a butterfly pendant in her hair.

Memorable Quotes
Jason: That was the cliffhanger at the end of last time, which I would never do cliffhangers to anyone, but apparently Matt does. Rebecca: Liar. Liar. You're a fraud!

Jason: Martle apparently is chugging olive brine with some boy? I don't know what's going on, but. Rebecca: Hey, different people have different ways of flirting. Jason: Is that what we're calling it. Natalia: Sure, if that's what you call it, exactly.

Matt: And they ended the episode by adopting two people. Boston: That we don't know their names. Jason: Yeah they don't know their names. Natalia: Not people, children. Jason: Children. Boston: Cause we didn't bother to ask their names. Rebecca: Children are people! Natalia: They do not qualify as people yet. Matt: I was about to say, are you saying children are not people? Natalia: Yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. Matt: Wow. Ben: They aren't people until they have names.

Boston: Oh my god, Martle's nice?

Trivia

 * Gillywater was the first drink that popped into Natalia's head, and it's from Harry Potter.
 * Officer Dextro was introduced this episode.