Episode 50 - Surprise Mechanics

Episode Description
The Crew get ready for the big battle with the inquisition. What last minute hijinks can they get themselves into?

Summary
A week after the events of the last episode, the station is crowded with pirates who have come to join the army. The ships are in no way uniform, but they all have the symbol of their alliance next to their own, smaller crew symbol. Everyone is summoned to a meeting. Quartz outlines the plan: while the armada distracts the blockade of ships around the moon, six teams in havoc pods will go in and destroy six weak points on the moon. One of these will cause a chain reaction in the power source, destroying the moon. They have five teams lined up, but ask for volunteers for a sixth. Z volunteers, then learns six volunteers are needed per team. Martle asks for more details before deciding for her crew. Thryssia's ships will be on support duty, Demia's will be the attack squadrons, and Quartz's will be on defense. Even after getting to the moon, the havoc pod crews can expect to meet shields and a standing army. After the meeting, Demia asks for Martle and the others to stay back. Z asks more about the havoc pods, remembering their last disastrous experience. Demia explains that havoc pods, being small and unshielded, are the only vessels that won't trigger the moon's defenses. If the crew volunteers, they'll be taking out the power source. The havoc pods are designed to drill through the base to the power source. Rell asks how likely one of the pods is to veer off course and get separated, and is told they are hard programmed to their destination, and are about 50 years more advanced than the Rhea's pods. Demia says they can take their time to decide, but the mission is tomorrow, and goes back to her quarters. Martle asks everyone if they're willing to go, most particularly Rell, who has been staring off into space at the mention of havoc pods. Everyone else is in, so Rell says he won't let them go into danger without him. Zarial immediately takes Rell's arm and starts walking, telling him about all the soft landings he's had in havoc pods.

Zarial and Martle go to buy armor, finding a one-armed (sans prosthetic) male dwarf who calls holes in armors "special features". Zarial goes to pay 1200 credits for a mystery sealed Abaddon Systems box, and Martle pays for it out of the crew's secret funds. Zarial walks away, but Martle calls him back to open it for the curious shopkeeper. Inside is a mithril scale coat with a biometric system. Martle gets dreadnought armor, also for 1200 credits.

Z looks for correspondence from Space Dad and sees an email that simply reads, "You're in trouble young lady." She goes looking for someone to give her a haircut, and finds an orc with a tusk piercing. She gets a deliberately unkempt short haircut and talks about her crush on Martle. The bill is 10 credits, which Z sends to Martle.

Rell does breathing exercises to calm down. Zarial looks for a weed brownie for Rell but can't find one, but does find an android selling ship AIs. He buys one that can communicate with the crew, assist targeting, and resist hacking for 500 credits. He looks more for drugs for Rell, then sprints back to the ship in an effort to beat Martle.

Martle, wanting to flaunt her tiefling-ness instead of hiding it, finds weaponized sheathes for her horn nubs for 100 credits.

Z finds a leather vest and pants for 5 credits, billing Martle again, but Martle makes her pay for these herself. She also buys two handaxes from a nonbinary human for 10 credits.

Zarial successfully installs the AI, Spalexa, before the others get back, and Martle is greeted with "Welcome back, the okayest captain." Z is greeted with "Welcome short stuff." Theran and Rell, who were already on the ship, heard "Welcome, edgelord" and "Welcome, my monk friend" during tests. Eric is greeted with "Welcome, dreamy olive." Zarial has apparently programmed it only to call Z short one, and to only obey him and Martle. Martle tells it to stay off, and Eric tells them installing the AI breaks all the laws of Parliament. Most AI are considered precursors to androids, and owning an android is considered slavery. If the AI voluntarily stays and is paid somehow, it would no longer be considered slavery. Otherwise, the ethical thing according to Parliament would be to put it in an empty android shell. Zarial hadn't thought of this, since ship AI are just considered machines in Mentaru society, with no personhood or rights.

Martle tells Rell about her phobia of waves since her parents were killed by a tsunami, and offers her help if he needs it. She then goes to Theran, who says he's written his will to be auto-sent to Lelia in a week, and suggests Martle sends hers to him. He brings up the fact that there has been no mention of an extraction plan, and Martle says they'll improvise. They talk about Eric, Martle's limited time for a relationship, and her single-minded focus on revenge. Theran suggests finding something to do after she's tired of her quest. Just then Demia messages her asking how many pods she needs. After confirming with Eric, Martle tells her six, and asks if there's an extraction plan. Demia says if there's a big enough hole in the blockade, they'll send a ship through to pick them up, unless they can remote control the Torog. Zarial, who has been experimenting with Spalexa, finds that she's capable of complex auto-piloting. Martle sends the information to Rell and tells Spalexa to listen to everyone but Z, and maybe Z in a dire emergency.

The episode ends with the armada making its way to the edge of the Draconis system, where they are faced with one of the largest blockades they've ever seen.

New Information
The Mentaru have nice havoc pods because they overspend on the military, being xenophobic (much like the U.S.).

Memorable Quotes
Ben: He's the guy who gets on the roller coaster and then like you know after he's all strapped in and like it starts going like "Wait, no I don't want to be on this anymore noooooo -"

Martle: Zarial would you like to open your box for this weird man? Mitch: I was expecting you to carry it to the ship for me and I've already walked away.

Zarial: Spalexa, on. Martle: Spalexa, stay off or I will tear you from the ship with my own two hands and bury you alive.

Martle: And then once the 24 hours are up, there's still the time that I'm spending hunting the killers of our family, so my schedule's kind of booked, you know?

Theran: You may wanna choose a destination when enough is enough. Martle: I think I already have.

Trivia

 * Zarial's new armor is a +1 mithril scale coat (AC 13) with a damage reduction of 2, and once per short rest he can use a bonus action to activate an adrenal shot that gives him an extra action.
 * When asked for Z's crew name, Natalia originally put "Bomb-ass Bitches," but then put "crew of the Torog" at Ben's suggestion.
 * Everyone took off their headphones for Zarial's drug and AI shopping.
 * Martle has a -1 Intelligence modifier.
 * The horn sheathes increase headbutt damage from 1d4+STR bludgeoning to 2d4+STR piercing.