Episode 7 - Milking It

Intro
Matt: Hello and welcome to Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe, my name is Matthew, I'll be your DM for the night, and playing with me today is Ben... Ben: Hello. Matt: ...playing as Rell, Jason, playing as Theran... Jason: Hello! Matt: Rebecca as Martle... Rebecca: Halloooo. Matt: Boston as Juniper... Boston: Have you vaccinated for your sperpes virus? Jason: Is she drinking? Matt: I think she is. And Natalia as Z. Natalia: Owee! Matt: So how's everybody doing today? Boston: *groans* Matt: Sounds like somebody already got the sperpes virus. Natalia: Good. Jason: Crazy busy, but other than that, good. Natalia: Amen. Here too.
 * laughter*
 * laughter*

Episode Description
The group is reunited with Ashley after Z's expert resuscitation and discover something about the job and someone in Juniper's past shows up.

Summary
The episode begins with the party at the bedside of Ashley Deacon, who called them here for a mission. She says she was hired as a bodyguard for an archeological expedition into some unexplored ancient ruins in the cave system here. They thought there were some strange creatures here, so they hired Ashley. They got ambushed and things got shaky as if there was an avalanche or earthquake, and Ashley got knocked out and woke up in the hospital. Theran and Martle try to claim (separately) she promised them dates, but she reminds them that she's a widow. The party doesn't care. Getting back on track, Ashley says the excavation team is still missing, and wants the party to find them. Martle observes that people go missing a lot around Ashley, and Z pushes hard for Ashley to date Martle. Ashley tells them the team lead is Professor Arula, who Juniper recognizes as her best friend from a long time ago. Z still wants Ashley to date Martle, but she says Martle's not her type, much to Martle's chagrin.

Martle calls the taxi driver, who flirts sickeningly. The area of the cave system is dangerous so he wants hazard pay, but Martle offers a kiss instead and he accepts immediately. Theran opens the front door for Martle to sit next to the driver, but Martle declines. Z tries to sit up front, but the driver claims passengers aren't allowed. Z sits in Rell's lap, and he is extremely awkward about it. After another hair-raising journey in which Theran gets gum on his face, they reach their destination. Martle promises the driver a dinner date for him to stay and wait for them. Rell is concerned about monsters the driver mentioned, and Martle cheerfully reminds him there are monsters where they're going.

They enter the cave system and find the excavationers' camp, which has lots of blood, but no bodies. They find a data slate that has a recording of Arula. She says the cave system starts out natural, then becomes artificial. Ashley has gone farther in and sounds excited. The screen shakes, there's yelling about a quake, and then static. Despite this, there is no rubble to indicate a cave collapse, but Juniper does find a discharged laser rifle, and Z finds scorch marks on the wall and some disturbed ground. Theran finds tracks and drag marks, and notices that some stalagmites are moving. They emerge from the ground and are revealed to be the tails of a crystalline creature with the lower body of a scorpion, a humanoid torso, and claw hands. They fight it, Rell seeming unusually freaked out. After they kill it, Martle attempts to take a tail for a dagger, but accidentally shatters all of them. Theran follows the drag marks to the wall, where Juniper finds a hidden steel door.

Memorable Quotes
Natalia: And it was sketchy, because the nurses told us that she was asleep and couldn't wake up. Or wouldn't wake up. Jason: Well I think you slapped the shit out of her.

Natalia: My mission in this life is to make the quiet one just as uncomfortable as possible.