Episode 74 - April Fools

Intro
Jason: Hello, and welcome Celestial Expanse, a real play D&D podcast set in the Celestial Expanse universe. My name is Jason, and I'll be playing everyone's favorite heretic elf, Theran. Tonight, you will witness much chicanery, tomfoolery, ballyhoo, and if you're lucky, maybe even some skullduggery. But now I wanna introduce the Prime Minister of Sinister, the Foreman of Fornicating Skyward, the Numero Uno of rolling numero uno, Matthew. How are you tonight, sir? Matt: Pretty good, how bout yourself? Jason: I'm okay. Ben, playing Rell. How are you, sir? Ben: I'm alright. Jason: Boston, playing our favorite shrub Juniper. How are you? Boston: Yello. Jason: Yello? No school this week? Boston: No. Jason: Aw man, lucky you, you sound all awake and stuff. Rebecca, playing the kind and generous Martle. How are you Rebecca? Rebecca: You know, that's a great question. Jason: Mm. I see. To be answered perhaps later. We'll roll dice for this. Rebecca: The answer is - Jason: Tonight - go ahead. Rebecca: The answer is brain machine broke, who the hell knows what's going on up here. Jason: Error 404? Rebecca: Yeah. Jason: Tonight we will be sans Natalia and Mitch, so, back to you, Matt! Matt: Alright so, before anything, we could say like, Rebecca.exe is not working right now? Rebecca: More like Rebecca.exe is very slow. Would you like to wait, or close the page? Jason: And it's just the spinning little circle? Raour raour. Raour raour. Rebecca: Uh huh. Jason: Where you're not sure if it's updating, you're not sure if it's loading, you're not sure what the hell it's doing, it's just sitting there. Rebecca: Exactly. Jason: Fair.

Episode Description
The crew encounter a strange situation on the ship after its sabotaged and they encounter strange figures. It's almost as if something is among us in the ship...

Summary
The episode opens with Juniper noticing blood coming from under the door Lelia just went through. She hears some hustle and bustle on the other side of the door and opens it to see Lelia knocked out of her chair, with another Lelia on top of her trying to kill her with a knife. They both ask Juniper for help. Juniper uses Telekinesis to move the one with the knife to the back wall. Juniper tells Jörmungandr intruder alert, and Jörmungandr tells everyone to lock themselves in their rooms and that Juniper found an intruder at Lelia's room. The Lelia with the knife tells Juniper to she needs to kill the imposter, and the one on the ground says she won't take Juniper to Spooters if she dies. Juniper slams the Lelia with the knife against the wall as hard as she can. As she dies, she turns into a mind flayer. Juniper tells Jörmungandr, who says quarantine protocols are in effect, but are being interfered with. He can't find the mind flayer she speaks of. Juniper picks up Lelia, and Martle arrives and heals her with Lay on Hands. Lelia says the imposter came out of a grate and attacked her with a knife. Jörmungandr says his sensors have been sabotaged, life support is on minimum, oxygen is being turned off, and propulsion is turned off. There are manual resets in the rooms that control the individual systems. Juniper uses Prestidigitation to clean up all the blood, and she and Martle set off. As they run through the ship, they notice that their range of vision is reduced.

Juniper, Martle, Theran, and Rell all go to an emergency room. Jörmungandr tells them something is interfering with all the systems. The lights go out and the reactor goes critical, so Martle goes to fix the lights while Juniper and Rell go to the reactor. Juniper tells Theran to go to security to watch on cams, but he goes to Medbay because he's a doctor. Juniper succeeds in changing her part of the reactor from countdown to standby, but Rell struggles. Martle gets stabbed in electrical and her right arm gets cut off. She responds with a headbutt, goring the mind flayer through the eyes. Theran hears her yell "Fuck!" and starts prepping for surgery. Martle updates everyone and goes to help Rell with the reactor.

Rell goes to get Martle's arm from electrical. He sees the body and the arm, and hears a grate close. He fixes the lights and grabs the arm. As Martle and Juniper approach the medbay, the doors close and seal. Theran sees a mind flayer emerge from a grate, and succeeds in killing it. After a delay, Jörmungandr opens the doors.

Martle and Theran bicker about whether he's a doctor, and she gets in a medpod on Jörmungandr's instructions. Theran follows Jörmungandr's instructions and presses buttons. Martle is submerged in greenish blue liquid up to her chest. It's apparently an anaesthetic solution, a precursor to modern Spotions of Sphealing. It's recycled for multiple uses, which distresses Martle. Rell arrives and gives her her arm. She holds it against her stump, and robotic arms come out and stitch her back together. Rell presses a button for "spa day," and cucumbers are placed over Martle's eyes. She bucks her head and gets one in her mouth. It is very tasty. She and Theran argue more about his claim to doctorhood, and when the surgery is finished, she launches herself out of the pod and headbutts Theran, as promised.

Jörmungandr announces that navigation is down. Theran goes into the vents while the others go to navigation. Theran comes across Rell in the vents, and promptly shoots him. Rell morphs into a mindflayer as it dies.

They fix navigation, and Jörmungandr tells them there is one mindflayer left, located in the bridge. When they arrive, they see Z. She is able to accurately recount the events of her meeting Martle for the first time, but they still don't trust her. Eventually Martle casts Zone of Truth, but Z saves. Juniper creates an illusory Zarial who comes around the corner and offers Z a brownie. Martle casts Dispel Magic on Z, and they see the mind flayer as they are. It releases a psionic blast, stunning Martle and Juniper, but Theran and Rell quickly dispatch it. Martle and Juniper recover, and Jörmungandr tells them there are no more mind flayers present, and no deaths. Martle and Theran go to see Lelia while Rell disposes of the mind flayer's body. Lelia is drinking heavily.

New Information

 * At Mercy, Theran also got an obsidian quiver, which produces unlimited obsidian arrows.
 * Jörmungandr has various rooms that all correspond to the Skeld map of Among Us.
 * Juniper got a new NID at Mercy.
 * Space Dad also gave Rell a new arm attachment. Once per day it can change the arm's electric damage from lightning to cold, acid, necrotic, or radiant for one hour. The ability can be ended early.
 * Theran has been making sure all the heretic elves are comfortable.

Memorable Quotes
Rebecca: I do both at the same time. Fear me, all of you. Matt: I fear you no matter what. Rebecca: Good. Jason: I don't fear you. Rebecca: Aw, Jason. Jason: I know. Rebecca: Fear me! Jason: No. You're really kinda breakable. Rebecca: Fear me! Please? Please? Jason: No. No. I can't make it happen! I have bad anxiety and I don't fear you, that's saying something.

Rebecca: Oh, Ben. Matt: Oh no Ben. Ben: Three! Boston: I chose the wrong partner. Ben: Yup! Rebecca: Minus 2. You're even dumber than I am!

Rebecca: Do not cauterize my wound by using a fireball, I beg of you.

Martle: You've just got a bathtub full of this stuff? Whaaa? What? Jörmungandr: It is recycled, therefore we can use it multiple times. Martle: Nooo, I don't want to hear that it's recycled! That makes it worse.

Martle: Yes, put Theran in the vent, he's sus.

Jason: I'll use my bow cause, fuck Rell.

Trivia

 * This episode was recorded on April 1st. Matt's prank on the crew was making the session a D&D version of Among Us.
 * Natalia and Mitch were absent this episode.
 * Inorganic targets have resistance against obsidian arrows, or the attacks are at disadvantage.
 * Juniper's new NID gives her advantage on a computer check once per long rest.
 * Theran has an 18 AC normally, and +2 AC in dim lighting.